Duckling Ugly Read online

  “How far?” I asked. The night of my arrival had been such a blur, and I had passed out by the time the monks had found me. I had no idea how far De León was from civilization.

  “Twenty miles,” he said. “But it feels like a lot more because it’s almost all mountains. As you get closer, you’ll see the monastery on top of a hill, but whatever you do, don’t go near it, because the monks won’t know you’re one of us if they see you. It’s their duty to make sure no one from the outside ever finds us, and they take their job very seriously, if you know what I mean.”

  I nodded. These so-called monks sounded more like ninjas, but I kept my opinion to myself.

  “Turn west at your first glimpse of the monastery,” Aaron continued. “There’s no path after that, but if you follow the setting sun, you’ll come to De León. Good luck.”

  He hugged me tightly, like he had changed his mind and wasn’t going to let me get into the sack.

  “I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.”

  “I don’t think I’ll sleep until you are.”

  I gave him a kiss that wasn’t long enough for either of us, then I stepped into the fur-lined bag. Aaron covered me with trash, just in case the monks looked inside, then he tied the sack closed.

  Only after I was tied into the bag and I couldn’t see him did I hear him say: “I love you, Cara.”

  And then he was gone.

  After he left, I sat there for hours, waiting for the monks to arrive, afraid to move the slightest bit in case they might be close enough to see. As I waited, I kept playing in my mind the last thing Harmony had said to me before she had hugged me good-bye and hurried off to Abuelo’s that morning.

  “Do not linger in the outside world,” she had warned me. “Say your final good-byes quickly, and come home to us.”

  “What will happen if I stay too long?” I had asked. “Will I turn ugly again?”

  “I don’t know,” Harmony had answered. “But I do know there are worse things than being ugly.”

  Part Three

  “Cygnus Fatalis”

  18

  Return to the Flock

  Traveling as garbage was not a highlight of my life, but sometimes you do what you have to do. The monks never knew I was there. I suppose I wasn’t much heavier than what they were used to hauling. The fur around me kept me warm, but not warm enough. I shivered most of the way, and wondered if I would die of hypothermia and end up as part of the garbage after all. Trashes-to-ashes, I thought. It almost made me giggle, which, under the circumstances, would have been disastrous. The journey took a day and a half, and although they rested, I barely slept. I was hungry and, even more, thirsty. It was unbearable. Finally, toward the end of the second day, my bag was hurled into a hard, rough place, where I landed with a bruising crunch.

  I let the pain peak, then fade, clenching my teeth so that I didn’t make a sound. Then, when I was sure they were gone, I pulled myself out of the bag.

  I was in a Dumpster. I stood up to get my bearings. I was out behind a gas station, and it was after dark. It was chilly, but nowhere near as cold as it had been in the higher altitudes as we crossed the mountains.

  I climbed out and walked around to the front of the station, trying to stretch my cramped arms and legs. The second the gas-station attendant saw me, he swaggered over to me.

  “Hey, little lady,” he said. He was just a couple of years older than me, nineteen at the most. “What can I do you for?”

  He was all goggly-eyed, and it took me a moment to realize he didn’t see the Flock’s Rest Monster when he looked at me. He saw someone beautiful. It amazed me that he didn’t seem to notice I was covered in garbage.

  “Which way to Flock’s Rest?” I asked.

  “No easy way to get there from here,” he said. “That’s clear over the mountains. The nearest road that crosses over is twenty-five miles away.”

  So the monks had taken me in the other direction. Well, that was just a minor inconvenience. I could still get there, and make it back, in time.

  He smiled at me, showing me a cracked tooth, and tried to act all charming. “I get off in a couple of hours. I could give you a ride if you like. I know where it is; I was just there ’bout a month ago.”

  Something told me it wouldn’t be a good idea. “No thanks,” I told him, and he seemed a little hurt.

  “Hey, I understand,” he said. “A pretty girl like you—why would you take a ride from a guy like me? Right? ’Cept, of course, I got a really good car. Tiger-skin seats.” He winked at me, and I rolled my eyes. Is this what pretty girls had to put up with all the time? “Runs like a dream,” he said. “Just got it last month down at DeFido’s. That’s how come I know Flock’s Rest.”

  I laughed at that. “If you got your car at DeFido’s, then you got ripped off,” I told him. “Trust me, I know. He’s my father.”

  Suddenly he started snapping his fingers like something was wrong with him. “You—you—you’re that missing DeFido girl. Holy Mother of—no friggin’ way! I gots to call the cops, that’s what I gots to do.”

  “No,” I said. “No, don’t!”

  But he wasn’t listening. “Oh yeah, they got a reward out for you.”

  “My parents offered a reward?”

  I was actually impressed, until he said, “Five hundred dollars. Get myself some spinners for my car.”

  Five hundred bucks, I thought. Is that what I was worth to them? I knew people who offered higher rewards for their lost cats.

  He ran into the gas-station office, and I ran after him. “No, stop,” I said. He was already picking up the phone, but then he stopped when he looked at the “Missing” poster taped right there on his window. It didn’t have a picture of me, because there were no pictures. Instead there was a police sketch. It was ugly, it was awful. It was me. Or at least the old me.

  “Hey, hold on. This ain’t you.”

  He looked to the poster, then to me, then to the poster again.

  “No, you’re right,” I said, thinking quickly. “That’s my sister. My sister’s the one who’s missing. Not me.”

  He looked at me, the expression on his face souring. “I guess there’s no reward for you, is there?”

  I shook my head. “No. Sorry.” And I hurried out before he could offer me a ride again.

  Five days, I thought as I walked down the road, and two already gone. Not much I could accomplish in what little time I had. But I didn’t need to accomplish anything, did I? All I had to do was have a nice long sit-down with Mom and Dad. Maybe pack a bag of what few things I cared about, and leave forever. If I had time, maybe I’d go out to Vista View, find Miss Leticia’s grave, and pay my respects.

  The gas station was on a lonely road, with only a few homes nearby. I changed out of my garbage-covered clothes in someone’s toolshed, took a long drink from the yard hose, then hosed myself off with its freezing water, and took some clothes that were hanging out to dry in the backyard. Then I started walking.

  About five miles down the road, my feet were hurting something awful, and although a number of folks stopped to offer me a ride, I didn’t take them up on it—mainly because they were all guys of varying ages, with their tongues practically hanging out like wolves when they looked at me. That wasn’t the kind of attention I wanted from strangers, and I wasn’t foolish enough to get into a car with any of them. It was a different world for me now. I had to get used to that.

  Finally, a family in a minivan pulled up next to me.

  “Honey, are you all right?” the woman asked, leaning out of the passenger-side window. “You know, it’s dangerous to be on the road like this after dark. You might get hit by a car. Would you like a ride somewhere?”

  This was a ride I felt safe taking, so I smiled, thanked them, and hopped in.

  I sat in the back with the kids. A little boy no older than six, sucking on some sticky candy that made his lips blue, smiled at me. “You’re pretty,” he said.

  And I laughed,
because it was true!

  Flock’s Rest wasn’t exactly on their way, but they didn’t have the heart to leave me by the side of the road somewhere. That’s another thing about being beautiful: People go out of their way to help you. It was almost midnight when they reached Flock’s Rest. I had them drop me at the entrance to my trailer park.

  Dad would be sitting with a beer, watching RetroToob and dreaming of his lost youth. Momma would probably still be up reading. Vance would be asleep, if he hadn’t had too much pop at dinner.

  As excited as I was, I was scared, too. My father always said, “You can’t make a Ford a Ferrari,” and yet here I was, all shiny and new. Cara: the sports model. I could give them no explanation for the change I had gone through. I couldn’t tell them where I’d been, or about the water of the fountain, no matter how much they asked.

  I knocked on the door. No answer at first, so I knocked again. Finally, Momma answered it and looked at me, squinting her eyes.

  “Hi,” I said.

  She wasn’t shocked. She didn’t even seem surprised. She just seemed a little put out over answering the door in her robe at midnight. “Can I help you?” she said.

  I stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. She had no idea who I was.

  “Momma, it’s me.”

  She looked at me blankly, her mind trying to mesh what she saw with what she knew.

  Then she backed up and went kind of white.

  “Franklin,” she said, her voice all wavery. “Franklin, come quick.”

  Few things would lift my dad off the couch once he had settled in. But that tone of voice did the trick. As he came to her, I stepped inside. Now Vance was standing at his bedroom door, half-awake, wondering what was going on.

  “It’s me,” I said. “It’s Cara.” And then, just for effect, I flicked my hair the way models do. “Don’t you recognize me?”

  Just silence for the longest time.

  Vance was the first to react. “No. Way.”

  “Honey?” Dad said in the same wavery voice that Mom had.

  And then it was like whatever was holding them back just fell away. Momma rushed at me and took me in her arms.

  “My baby, my baby,” she cried.

  Even Dad cried. “We thought you ran away,” he said. “Or worse.”

  “I did,” I told them. “But it’s okay now.”

  While Momma and Dad were still hugging me, Vance came over and looked me up and down. “What happened to you?”

  And then, to my surprise, Momma turned to him, grabbed him by the shoulders, and looked at him sternly. “Don’t you ask that! I’m sure Cara will tell us in her own time, won’t you, honey?”

  I nodded, knowing that I wouldn’t. Maybe Momma sensed that, because she said, “Besides, true miracles don’t always have explanations. Otherwise they wouldn’t be miracles.”

  Vance looked down. “Yes, ma’am.”

  I told them I was only back for a little while—that people were waiting for me.

  “I understand,” Momma said, even though we both knew she didn’t.

  We all hugged and hugged. Momma whispered things you whisper to babies, and when all the hugging was done, I went to my room.

  I thought they would have changed it in the months that I had been gone. I figured they’d turn it into a reading room, or a sewing room, or something. Make the memory of me go away. But they hadn’t. It was just as I had left it. I even found the little “find the answers” note—a reminder that the answers had been found, and were waiting for me back in De León. Back home.

  Before going to bed, though, I went up to my dresser and, for one final time, played my old familiar game. Would Cara do it today? Was today the day she would win? Without the slightest hesitation, I grabbed the sheet that covered the mirror and pulled it down. No more mourning in this house! At last I looked at myself in my own mirror. As far as I was concerned, I could have looked forever.

  The next morning, we ate our family breakfast like usual, but there was a certain air of terror all around the table, because miracles are frightening things. No matter how much Momma wanted to follow a don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy with regard to my metamorphosis, it demanded some explanation. Dad began to delicately ask about it. It was like playing a game of twenty questions around a time bomb.

  “Was it something…surgical?” Dad asked, without looking up at me.

  “Not really,” I said.

  “Herbal, then? They’re making amazing strides in vitamin therapy these days.”

  That was actually closer to the truth. I wondered if the fountain could be considered an herbal treatment.

  “Vitamin therapy doesn’t straighten teeth,” Momma said. “That takes some sort of…intervention.”

  “So we’re back to miracles again,” said Dad, a bit frustrated.

  No one said anything for a bit, and then Vance mumbled, “I think maybe Cara made a pact with the devil.”

  Momma brought down her fork so hard it cracked her plate in half.

  “Sorry,” Vance said. Momma didn’t scold him. Maybe because she secretly felt it was in the realm of possibility.

  “Actually,” I said, with a completely straight face, “I was abducted by aliens.”

  Stunned silence from everyone…until I couldn’t hold it anymore and cracked a smile. Vance was the first to laugh, then Dad, then Mom, and before long, we were all engulfed in a giggle fit that lasted at least three or four minutes. After that, they stopped asking.

  I finished my breakfast quickly and asked if Momma could take me to school early. If I was going to accomplish anything during my single day in Flock’s Rest, I’d have to use the time wisely—and the more I thought about it, the more things I realized I wanted to do…because this wasn’t just about saying good-bye. This was also about saying “good riddance.”

  19

  The New Girl

  Momma brought me to school and told the office staff I was her niece, Linda. I might be moving into town, she said, and could they be darlings and let me sit in on class while I was visiting? She sold them on me like my dad sold a car—not a word of truth, and bought for the highest price possible. I didn’t mind being Linda DeFido for a day. After all, Linda was my middle name.

  There was still plenty of time before the bell rang, so I went out into the yard to size up what had changed since I had left. As I suspected, nothing had changed. The same kids in the same groups. Of course, some girls were hanging on different boys’ shoulders, but even then, the shoulders on which they hung were the predictable ones. One couple, however, had stood the test of time. Marshall and Marisol. They were all slithered around each other in the yard, like always. I made a beeline straight toward them.

  “Excuse me,” I said innocently, getting their attention.

  I had Marshall’s eye immediately. Marisol already looked worried.

  “Aren’t you Marshall Astor, of the famous Astors?”

  Marisol answered for him. “That’s none of your business. Who are you?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry,” I said, as sweetly as could be. “I’m Linda DeFido. I’ll be moving here from Billington.” I kept my eye on Marshall, totally ignoring Marisol. “I remember you from one of last year’s football games. I have never seen a run that long. I remember wishing that you were on our team.”

  Marshall just smiled dumbly. I made sure I had a lock on his eyes like a tractor beam. “So you’re moving here?” he asked.

  “And she’s a DeFido?” said Marisol. “That family is a bunch of losers.”

  “Oh, we’re all right,” I said, still smiling. “Except, of course, for my poor cousin, Cara—wherever she is.”

  Marshall broke eye contact and looked down. “The DeFidos don’t like me much. They think I’m the reason their daughter ran off. Your cousin, I mean.”

  “Oh, they don’t think that,” I said. “They know that Cara brought it on herself. They don’t blame you at all.”

  Marshall smiled. “Really?”

  “
You should come by and talk to my uncle. I’m sure he’ll be very forgiving.”

  “Yeah,” he said, still smiling. “Maybe I’ll do that.”

  “You will not,” said Marisol. “You don’t need to talk to trailer trash.”

  “Not all trash lives in trailers,” I told her. She started going colors I didn’t know the human face could go. “What’s the matter, Marisol?” I asked. “You didn’t choke on your gum, did you?”

  “How’d you know my name?”

  “Oh,” I said, “you’ve got a reputation. Even as far as Billington.”

  “What?” Her mouth opened, and she just looked at me, her head shaking slightly, like her pea brain had just popped its one blood vessel.

  Marshall looked at her like she was suddenly something unclean, and I went on my merry way. This was the start of a wonderful day!

  I was the center of attention in every class, and when I walked into the lunchroom, all heads turned, boys and girls alike. They were whispering about me. By force of habit, I looked for my usual empty table—but without the old Cara here, creating her aura of untouchability, there were no empty tables.

  I thought I’d find Marshall and Marisol again, and play with their meager minds some more—but then I spotted Gerardo.

  I’d known I would see him today, and I thought I’d be okay with it—that I was beyond all those mixed-up feelings I had for him—but I was wrong. It only took a moment for all the feelings to come back.

  It didn’t make sense to me—I had Aaron now, didn’t I? Gerardo was a flyspeck compared to Aaron, and yet he made me numb and light-headed in a way that Aaron never quite did. It made me mad, but not mad enough to turn and walk the other way.

  I went to the table where he sat with his friends—and let me tell you, they made a space for me like I was Moses and they were the Red Sea.

  “You need a place to sit?”